An After Love After Thought...

04/23/07
A reflection: I love him. I would give him the world and all its riches. I'd give this to him not because I love him or because he loves me but because he's a great person. He is not a great person because he sees a great person in me but because he often puts others needs before his own...

July 2007
Day 17: I had a great time in Vegas. I experienced a wide range of emotions. I was anxious, sad, happy, confused, angry, hurt, and a million other things. I laughed and cried. Everything was exactly what I wanted to be, REALITY. I got the chance to see if what I was feeling was really real and it was. I love him. I would give him the world and all its riches. I'd give this to him not because I love him but because he deserves it. I don't promise to love him forever but I do promise to always be there for him...

Day 18: This summer was bittersweet. I finally know what's what. It's bitter because I wanted things to turn out differently, more in my favor, but sweet because I know everything was real, I felt every minute of it.

Day 20: It was so hard to leave. I never imagined it would be this difficult. I guess when you walk away from the love of your life and that's all the situation will be, him the love of your life, it's incredibly hard. I have zero regrets. I laughed, cried, and discovered so much about myself! I'm different now. I talk a little different. My body's a little different. I want different things. I love him the same even though he doesn't love me the way I want him to. It's time to go home again and everything is still a mystery just like it always has been!

06/22/08
I've been wondering: If a girl can be a guys friend while she still has feelings for him, does that mean that she isn't in love with him? I love him very much so and I want to be his friend even though things didn't work for us. On the other hand I still want him, want him to be my Bigg and I his Carrie. Sex and the City, the City of Sin, not the Big Apple. But despite my overwhelming desire to be the one that he doesn't want to live a day without, my love for him overrides and puts out my burning desire. In the City of Sin lies true love, where it began and end. My second time visiting but a first for *something* at first sight. I'll always love the city that gave me a love so rare, so clear as it's night skies. No clouds and very little rain. Perfectly real.